Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
