oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
