I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
