saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
