I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
