how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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