I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
