I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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