Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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