Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
