; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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