I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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