did you get engaged???
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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