He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
