I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
