Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
