In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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