oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
