Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
