I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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