Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
