I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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