i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
