You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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