Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
