i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
