I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
