dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
