What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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