I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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