speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
