and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
