Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
