Welp...herpes.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
