I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
