I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
