Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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