I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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