Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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