His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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