Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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