just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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