He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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