no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
