I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
