were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
