Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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