It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
