all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
