Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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